Reason for Leaving #4 - The Book of Mormon

Even though I found out what I had about Joseph Smith, the priesthood ban, and polygamy, I still tried to convince myself to not leave the church, mainly because I was fearful. I did not know much else since I spent so many years with my head in "Mormon-approved" material. Plus, in your head, you feel that you'll go to Perdition, or your life will be a miserable one without the church.

Also, I wanted to want myself to stay even though:

The church taught a lot of racist things in its infancy, all the way up to the 1970's and now just blames its racism on "God."

To borrow a line from the show "Escaping Polygamy" - the origins of polygamy (which started with Joseph Smith) was not about religion, it was all about sex. And the church tries to hide it by saying that it was simply a commandment from God, and its reasons changed from time to time.
In the church's infancy, it was claimed that polygamy was "commanded" for men to obtain the highest order of Heaven.
Their current reasons are 1) There were many widows (and single) women that needed taken care of, so the men that were already married had married him. 2) To bring forth many upon many children born in the gospel.

And there was the Book of Mormon. A book that had plagiarized "Views of the Hebrews" book, among other books.

Despite all of this, I talked myself in staying in the church. Even though it was not true. As I mentioned in my first post, I tried to justify things by saying, "So the church has an ugly history (with the Priesthood Ban, Polygamy, Mountain Meadows Massacre, etc.), but America does too (Slavery, Native Americans getting slaughtered. Native American women being raped, etc.), and we celebrate every year and sing songs about how great the country is, and how proud we are to be American. So I will stay." But looking back, it was fear talking, as Mormonism was a safe haven for me for over a decade.
I would miss church the Sunday when my shelf was in extreme danger of collapsing, but I thought that I'd go to Single Adult FHE (Family Home Evening) after work anyway...mainly to get out of the house.

FHE would be held at the Single Adult representative's (husband and wife) home. On my way there, I had all of these conflicting feelings, but tried to settle them.
They would not be settled as the evening went on.

One of the SA representatives (which was my former home teacher and bishop) would talk about George Washington and others, I was tempted to blurt out "How do you feel about him owning slaves?" but I knew that would open another can of worms. He also showed a book of names of historical figures that had indexing(?) done for them.
For some reason this disturbed me.

Things just went downhill from there. My home teacher (who will remain nameless) said that he felt inspired to switch lessons, and he was going to give a lesson from The Book of Mormon, in the section of 1st Nephi, Chapter 13. A section that I've had issues with over the years, but tried my best to ignore them.
So we'd take turns reading them, I tried my best to fight the negative feelings that I had while reading those lines. This one in particular:

And I looked and beheld a man among the Gentiles, who was separated from the seed of my brethren by the many waters; and I beheld the Spirit of God, that it came down and wrought upon the man; and he went forth upon the many waters, even unto the seed of my brethren, who were in the promised land.1 Nephi 13:12

Number 1) I had a hard time believing that God (the Mormon God no less) selected Christopher Columbus, spoke to him and led him to the Americas. Also The Book of Mormon's introduction is wrong - Columbus did not discover America. He took a wrong turn and found himself in the Caribbean and at one point thought he was in India. And we know that Leif Erikson had "discovered" the continent of North America, not Columbus.

Number 2) Now the Natives (Arawak Tribe if I read correctly) were good to him. Columbus even said so him his journals. Things ended up getting violent, and the Natives were tortured, slaughtered and girls as young as the age of ten were sold off as sex slaves for Columbus and his men. Also written in his journals. Why doesn't The Book of Mormon mention this? Deseret Book also has a book written about Columbus: "Christopher Columbus: A Man Among the Gentiles" written by Clark Hinckley. Why can't that book elude to the true character of Columbus?
More cherry-picking. More whitewashing. And claiming a historical figure as theirs to prove that "the church is 'true.'"

(Side note: I was actually on a message board regarding this book, and Hinckley says something among the lines of; "Columbus was not an evil man, but was he perfect? Of course not." I responded asking him how he felt about the Natives being killed by Columbus and his men, and the Native girls being sold off as sex slaves. This was a over a year ago. I still have yet to hear back from him. I don't expect to hear from him either.)

Another line put some things in perspective for me:
The Spirit of the Lord, that it was upon the Gentiles, and they did prosper and obtain the land for their inheritance; and I beheld that they were white, and exceedingly fair and beautiful, like unto my people before they were slain. … The Gentiles ... did humble themselves before the Lord; and the power of the Lord was with them.1 Nephi 13:15-16

That line made things crystal clear. I always questioned the "cursed with a skin of darkness" line that was consistently in the Book of Mormon. Apparently, the Lamanites were so unrighteous that "God" felt a need to darken their skin as a punishment, while the Nephites stayed "fair and beautiful." It was also noted that the mark was there so the Nephites would not "mix" with the Lamanites. So there was the skin color aspect that bothered me, along with the "Curse of Cain" doctrine that the church held onto until 1978.

(Another thing that I had found out was that the "pure and delightsome" used to be "white and delightsome" in previous editions of the Book of Mormon. That, as well as "the most correct book on Earth" had more than one edition should have been a red flag.)

There was even a video shown during Stake Conference (I cannot remember which year, I just remember that it was the Saturday evening adult session) where an excerpt of Alma 30 was portrayed. You have Korihor preaching "priestcraft" and Alma intervening.
Now here's the wretch. The Korihor character had darkened features, whereas Alma was very fair. Instead of listening to the message like a good Mormon girl, I was thinking, "What is the church trying to say here? Are they playing up that 'skin of darkness' line they have in their book?"
It looked around curious as to what others thought of this, but the people that I could see were just watching intently. I found myself wondering what the members thought about this, and the "curse of dark skin" that's in the Book of Mormon. The Stake that I lived in was very diverse, I was curious as to how every single person felt about those lines as I assumed they read them quite often as they read the Book of Mormon.

Another ongoing issue that I had was these lines:

I beheld the Spirit of God, that it wrought upon other Gentiles; and they went forth out of captivity, upon the many waters. "1 Nephi 13:13

I beheld many multitudes of the Gentiles upon the land of promise; and I beheld the wrath of God, that it was upon the seed of my brethren; and they were scattered before the Gentiles and were smitten.1 Nephi 13:14

Where the angel claims that the "white, fair and exceedingly beautiful" Europeans were lead to this "new land" by the hand of "god" and inspired them to kill the "dark and evil" Native Americans. I have a hard time believing that "God" said to the Natives, "Sorry, but you've been so evil, that I'm going to allow the Gentiles to slaughter you and take your land."
Yes, it happened. And what's done is done. And this was partially how America was developed. But I cannot buy what Mormons try to sell that the ugly beginnings were all "God's plan."

It brought me back to 2011 when I was taking a history course at a community college. My professor taught how some Native American tribes would live numerously in a housing, but still got along peacefully. My teacher then said, "These are the people that are wrongly referred to 'savages.'"
It had hit me at the moment that the Book of Mormon painted the Natives (or Lamanites) as an evil and unrighteous, and that's why have their "markings." I was in a dilemma after that. I then wondered if I was going to trust a history book or a book that was claimed to be "God's book." That was something I (sadly) had put on my shelf.

There was even a time later when I went to a Gospel Doctrine class being held by a friend where he said, "I am a Lamanite (he's half Cherokee), so technically, I am a bad boy." I remember thinking, "Why would you say that about yourself because you have Native American ancestry?" I have Arawak and Cherokee in my blood, but I didn't go around in Primary and refer to myself as a "bad girl." Not jokingly or otherwise.

Some time later, I would talk to a friend about her mission which she had just returned from. She served in the southwest where the elder missionaries would be the ones to teach on the reservations there. She would say, "The prophecy is right; the Native Americans are finally becoming a 'pure and delightsome' people. It's great to see that they are giving up their old traditions, because they are very much incorrect."
That conversation also caused me to raise an eyebrow. I said nothing but wondered who was she to say whether their traditions (something I'm sure is sacred) were incorrect or not? I also wondered if she was saying that the Native Americans were a wicked people before Mormonism "came back" and the leaders decided to reach out to them.

And then we have the General Authorities (men that I listened to religiously in conference and on my !pod), missionaries, members claiming that there is no racism whatsoever in this church, and yet it was erased from their history.
And yet, that racism is still in the book that they claim to be the most important book in their organization.
There was no longer any way for me to try to justify this.

And that was it. My Mormon Bubble had burst completely.
My thoughts and emotions were all over the place. There was frustration, disappointment, and hurt.

After the lesson I just looked down at the Book of Mormon. I didn't want to look at anyone, or for anyone to look at me. All I know is that I wanted to get away from everyone. I wanted to run outside, or to the nearest powder room...so I could scream...or cry...or both.
But I just sat there, looking down at the Book of Mormon, pretending to look over it.

I must have put out an awkward energy, because that's when the SA Representative wife had said my name and asked me if I had any thoughts that I would like to share about what was just taught. I shook my head no. She then says, "It's amazing isn't it? That Nephi foresaw the coming of Columbus and the shaping of America!" I just nodded.
Her husband chimes in and says, "The Book of Mormon holds many beautiful histories and truths, and we are lucky to have it." Like a good Mormon girl, I just smile and nodded, and counted down the minutes until this FHE event would be over.

Some time later, we had closing prayer where the wife gave the prayer. She must have had an inkling that I was not happy with the lesson, and questioning things because one of her lines was, "And please bless us that we will not stray away due to any influence of outside forces..."

I was finally able to take a deep breath when I locked myself in my room after coming home. I was glad that my roommate was out of town, because I knew that as soon as I walked through the door, she'd pepper me with questions about FHE, and I was far from in the mood to talk about it.
I should have know that this was coming. After everything that I had discovered about this church, how could I not know that there would be more to come? Or that I would be given a reason to stay?

Even with every thing that I had discovered that had caused my bubble to burst...I still had no idea on what to do.

Reason for Leaving #3 - Joseph Smith/Polygamy Pt. 2 (sort of)

I will begin this post with a story:

It is the story of a boy born in Vermont, born to a family that was poor in finances, but rich in love. When he was fourteen, religion had become a big thing in his town and he was eager, and I do mean eager, to find which church is the one he should attend. But he was so confused as to which one he should join.
So while studying the Bible, he comes across a verse in the epistle of James ( If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.), and decided to act on that verse the next day.
It was then in a field where he prayed and saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and was told to join none of the churches, for they were all an abomination to him. After that, Smith receives a visit from the Angel Moroni who has a work for him to do which would be to restore God's true church, which was lost after biblical times.
So he obtains the golden plates, translates them, and the Book of Mormon, along with the Mormon religion is born.  He falls in love with Emma Hale, and they have the kind of marriage and relationship that church members are taught to aim for.
Smith deals with persecution from the time he becomes open about his vision. Persecution due to what he saw, and then persecution over his new religion. At one point, it gets so bad that he has to relocate to the Midwest. Yet, he stays true to God and the church throughout it all. The persecution regarding the religion gets to the point where Smith is killed as a martyr to his beliefs. This is at many times used as an example to members of the church to never be ashamed, and never be afraid of getting persecuted (because persecution WILL come), as the founder of that church was killed for his beliefs, and for not denying "God's one and only church."


Sounds like such a beautiful and inspirational story, doesn't it?
What if I told you it was all bullshit?

This is how the church wants the world to see Joseph Smith.

The church likes to feed us the "sunshine and cupcakes" and keep the integral information hidden. For example, my story above is how the church paints Smith, through the Joseph Smith History book in "The Pearl of Great Price," through the "Joseph Smith - Teachings of the Presidents of the Church" manual, through movies such as, "The Restoration," "Legacy," "My Story (biographical film of Emma Hale Smith)" and, "The Work and The Glory" movie series. Even the primary manuals that I used to teach from painted up Joseph as a giving and brave man.
But through my research, I learned that Smith was dishonest, was very selfish, a philanderer and just came off as a lunatic at times. He also changes his stories from time to time with an example being "The First Vision."


On "The First Vision"

So as mentioned in my little story, in Mormonism we are taught that Joseph Smith saw both God the Father, and God the Son, and God the Son tells Joseph not to join any churches. This all takes place in what is now called "The Sacred Grove" after Joseph follows a verse in the epistle in James, by praying to find out which church to join.

I discovered that there are many versions of that story. One of them being that Smith saw only one personage, and no instruction on joining or not joining a church was given, just that his sins were forgiven. In other versions, Smith claimed that he saw angels. But the two versions that I learned about was enough for me to see the inconsistency here. It also caused questions to arise about the "Godhead" (God the Father and God the Son being separate beings, not one) that I was continuously taught about throughout my years in the church.

Also, Joseph Smith claims that he was persecuted by the town after revealing this alleged vision. I remember at a fireside the teacher trying to drum up some sympathy to the fact that Smith was just a young teenaged boy who dealt with harassment and persecution over his vision. Yet, his vision was not revealed until eighteen years after (1838) it had "occurred" in 1820. So there's one thing that makes you question the persecution that the church claims that Smith had experienced.

Also, after this "vision" and Smith's personal "commandment" to not join any church, he applied for membership to a Methodist church. So here we have commandment-breaking.



On "The Book of Mormon"

There is quite a bit to cover here. So we learn that Moroni visits Joseph Smith at his home and tells him of a work that needs to be done. Moroni shows him an area where the golden plates are, and gives him instruction over the years. When the time was right, Smith would obtain those gold plates, and God will help him to translate them into what would become "The Book of Mormon."
Only, there was NEVER any gold plates. Ever wonder why those plates are never seen in a museum, or in any of the historical sites of the church? (Yes, I am aware of the claim that Moroni had to take the plates back.) Apparently, Smith was able to create this sacred book by...

*drumroll*

Looking at a rock that sat in a bottom of a hat. A seerstone as the church likes to call it.
And apparently this was mentioned briefly sometime in 1993. Please keep that year in mind.
And let me refresh your memory on the time that I had investigated and joined the church: The spring and summer of 2004.
So I never learned about some "seerstone." I was fed that Joseph had used the golden plates by the Missionaries, and through my YSA Institute classes. And through those aforementioned movies that I had indulged in over the years.
More of the hiding of information. The church is pretty good at that, aren't they?
You even have President Uchtdorf trying to sell the reality of a rock giving Smith messages by comparing it to a cellular phone. I couldn't buy it. It sounded just ludicrous to me.
I will also mention that this "seer stone" was also used by Smith to find treasure.

Then you the content of the Book of Mormon itself. 
Through my searches, I would learn about "The Views of the Hebrews" booklet that was written by Ethan Smith (no relation) who did not live too far from Joseph Smith, and had published that book about ten years prior to when the Book of Mormon was published. So we can add plagiarism to the resume of Smith's repertoire.
*A link to the Views on Hebrews can be found at the bottom of this page so you can read it and compare it to the Book of Mormon.


On Polygamy

While I found Mormonism's polygamous history strange, what disturbed me most was the fact that not only did Smith practiced it, but the details of his practice of it. This is something the church never told me. Through movies ("The Work and the Glory" and "My Story")and the Relief Society/Priesthood Manuals, Joseph Smith and Emma Hale's marriage was painted up as a golden partnership. Through movies that I watched, Emma believed in Smith's story about his vision and supported him, and stuck by him throughout his "persecutions." They kept each other strong throughout their hard times. There was no mention on any of Smith's many wives throughout those movies that I had watched nor in that lesson manual.
So to find out that Joseph had many wives was a shock, even though I knew something about the polygamy that had taken place, nobody ever told me about Smith's wives.
What disturbed me even more, was that quite a few of his wives were women married to living husbands and some were teenagers as young as fourteen. Let's think back to my friend's reason for why polygamy started: Because there were a lot of widows and married men married them to make sure they were taken care of.
I know these women that we are talking about are not widows, but why would a fourteen year old need to be married to be taken care of? Isn't that what her parents were for?
I had a Mormon friend on Facebook that shared a piece of her family history about how one of her descendants was a man in his mid-to-late twenties, had married a fifteen year old. She then said that it was okay, because Smith did the same thing, and she does not understand why people are disgusted by the fact that Smith had done such a thing.

When you read the church's essay, they mention Helen Mar Kimball, one of Smith's teenaged brides saying that she was married just before her fifteenth birthday (note, Smith was thirty-seven at the time). We've seen from that line that even "God's Church" itself could not bring themselves to say that she was married at the age of fourteen, instead they say, "before her fifteenth birthday).
The essay tries to claim as to whether or not Smith and Kimball's marriage was consummated remains a mystery when there are many documentations of Kimball saying, "I would never have been sealed to Joseph had I known it was anything more than ceremony. I was young, and they deceived me, by saying the salvation of our whole family depended on it."
Reading between the lines, I (and others) would say that the marriage was consummated. Yet is was obviously one-sided consummation.
I could also mention Fanny Alger, but I'm sure many already know about that "dirty, nasty, filthy affair."
In a nutshell, Joseph Smith was the Warren Jeffs of his time. Or to put it correctly, Warren Jeffs is a modern day Joseph Smith.

Then we have the married wives that Smith was sealed to. Going back to my friend's statement of the women needed to be taken care of, so they became plural wives, I wondered what kind of "taken care of" did these women needed since they were already married to their living husbands? And also, why would they need to be sealed to Smith to be with HIM in the next life, rather than the men that they were already married to? Now I do understand that some of these men were sent away to serve missions, and Smith married their wives while they were away serving. I had a hard time believing that this was something that "God" wanted.

What also bothered me was Joseph Smith lying about his practice of plural marriage. If this was a commandment from God himself, and an angel with a sword threatened his life (oh, I'm sorry, "encouraged"), why would he deny this practice?



On Dying as a "Martyr"

I remember a lesson about Joseph Smith during an institute class where Smith dying as a martyr was covered. The class was also told that we should be willing to endure through persecution for this church  because Smith endured persecution for the church and died for it. I don't vividly remember the lesson, but I remember what I had mentioned before about persecution, and that there was an argument on whether the word "martyr" was just a word, or more than just a word. So let's take a look at the word "martyr" shall we?

Martyr -

noun

noun: martyr; plural noun: martyrs

1. 1.

   a person who is killed because of their religious or other beliefs.

   
   

   "saints, martyrs, and witnesses to the faith"

   • a person who displays or exaggerates their discomfort or distress in order to obtain sympathy or admiration.

     
     

     "she wanted to play the martyr"
   • a constant sufferer from (an ailment).

     
     

     "I'm a martyr to migraines!"

verb

verb: martyr; 3rd person present: martyrs; past tense: martyred; past participle: martyred; gerund or present participle: martyring

1. 1.

   kill (someone) because of their beliefs.

   
   

   "she was martyred for her faith"

Now if the religion we were talking about was "Polygamy" then Smith would be a martyr. But polygamy was a practice, a part (sure, a big one in a way) of that religion.

(Now if you want to look at the noun section of the word, and the second definition under the noun section, then I guess in that case he would be a martyr. The many claims of the persecution over his religion and his vision would make him one, but albeit not an honorable one. What I'm focusing on is the "honor" that the church tries to feed us.)

In reality, the people that had jailed and killed Smith were not angry in regards to his religion like the church lays claim to. It was Smith's polygamy and polyamory and destruction of property that got him in trouble. The local newspaper, The Nauvoo Expositor was going to reveal Smith's polygamous/polyamorous  lifestyle (or to be  frank, his sexual liaisons) and Smith ordered the press destroyed. For that action, he was jailed. After that incarceration and a gun battle, he was killed.

This has nothing to do with the religion, not like the church tries to convince us.

After discovering this, I felt that Joseph Smith was not a man that I would want to follow, sing "Praise to the Man" for, or defend him like I used to.



Suggested Reading/Viewing (as always, if there is something that I should add, please let me know in a comment):

• The Views of the Hebrews (in .PDF format)
• The Stories of the Wives of Joseph Smith
• Destruction of the Nauvoo Expositor

Just for laughs.