Another thing that I was unaware of was how arrogant the church seemed.
For example: "We are the ONLY true church on the face of the planet."
"This is God's ONLY true church."
Then there is the Book of Mormon and the Pearl of Great Price's line that teaches us that all of the other churches are an "abomination."
For nearly twelve years, this was my mindset. And I was completely unaware of it. I also understand that many church members are unaware of how arrogant the church seems. I did have a little inkling at times. There were many times when I was a "True Believing Mormon" and would speak to people outside of Mormonism, I would have trouble telling people that the Mormon church was the only true church, because I felt that I would be insulting their own beliefs.
There was a time when a coworker of mine was giving me a ride to the bus stop (so I wouldn't have to walk, or go through the stress of crossing the busy road of Route 175). She was raised Catholic, as was I. We were talking about what it was like growing up Catholic, and what our monthly confessions were like. Knowing that I was a Mormon, she asked me if I missed Catholicism.
I knew the "politically correct Mormon-like" possible missionary moment answer would be, "Yes, but it's not true." But, I knew that Catholicism meant as much to her as Mormonism meant to me at that time. The last thing I wanted to do is insult my coworker and friend by telling her that her religion was "false" because it was not "Mormonism," all for the sake of the possibility to have a missionary moment and covert her. In hindsight, I'm glad that I didn't. I just told her what I honestly felt: "I do miss Catholicism. It meant a lot to my mother, and it still means a lot to me. But I am happy where I am now." In which she said that she was also happy for me.
There are other moments where I noticed arrogancy within the church. Unfortunately there were three experiences with my former bishop and home teacher...who was like a father to me.
The first was when the Single Adult Family Home Evening sessions was just beginning, during the beginning of January 2016. We were holding our lesson, and my home teacher had asked me what I thought the world would be like if everyone in the world were members of the church.
My thought was, "We can get along with people outside the church! It is possible! It's just up to us to make it work!" But unfortunately, in his mind the world would be a peaceful place if everyone was Mormon. Apparently Mormonism is the answer to the world's issues.
Some time after I discovered the truth about the church, and after that ill-fated Family Home Evening lesson with him and his wife he seemed to be finding ways to keep me from leaving from church. I guess he and his wife still had an inkling that my feelings about the church had changed.
One experience was an evening when I went to Easter dinner with them, and I was telling them about how much I liked my visiting teacher and how we connected the year before when she was sweet enough to come by my house to take me to the airport so I can catch my flight to California.
He then says, "That's one of the wonderful things about the church, isn't it? People willing to help us in those ways." I just stayed silent and nodded.
I then remembered when I was a teenager working at the child care section of a women's gym. There were plenty of mothers that had willingly gave me a ride home so I would not have to take that hour walk home. Some of them would even let me go grocery shopping so I could have what I need, without having to make that crazy walk. I remember these ladies were not Mormon. They knew me well, and did what they did out of love.
I was not "assigned" to them, so I knew what they did for me was not "commanded" or done with an ulterior motive.
There was another experience when my home teacher and his daughter came by to give me the monthly lesson. After the lesson, we would talk, and my home teacher begins to praise the church, which made me a tad uncomfortable. He probably sensed it because he then said, "This is why we are so great: We don't have paid clergy. We are all volunteers; serving each other and the Lord. Those other churches have paid clergy. They will not do the work unless they get paid." He says this with a smile which made me feel all the more uncomfortable. I felt bad for feeling that way, because this guy was like a father to me.
I remember a story in the Book of Mormon, Alma 31, where Alma
and his brothers went to teach the gospel to the Zoramites, and were
dumbfounded when they found the Zoramites upon a tower, thanking God
that they were a "chosen and holy people." In that book, it was noted that Alma and his brothers saw this action as boastful and prideful.
It's funny, the most important book in Mormonism speaks out against being boastful and prideful, and yet that how a part of the church seems.
Even with those experiences, what truly had opened my eyes to how arrogant the church seemed was a talk during Sacrament Meeting. This would be the exact Sunday that followed that ill-fated Family Home Evening lesson. I still went to church despite my feelings of hurt and disappointment were still real and raw, and I didn't know how to handle it. I still went to church because I guess I was used to it. It was a routine that I thought at the time would take time to break. Everything felt so overwhelming then.
The topic of this meeting was "Following the Prophet." It was the usual; we'd have a youth speaker, then an adult speaker, an intermediate hymn and then an adult concluding speaker. It was the concluding speaker's talk that had brought me to that aforementioned clarity.
He begins with talking about a mission that he had served in Brazil years ago. He talked about how a family that was investigating had him and his companion over for dinner. He talked about how the family would fall ill with food poison the next day, while he and his companion did not fall ill. He then testified that it was God's protection over the two of them; His children.
I was taken aback by this guy's words. What it sounded like was that "God's" protection was over these two young missionaries, who were also members of the church, as well as "God's Children." This is what kept them from getting seriously ill.
And these here investigators were just mere peons, who were not worthy of God's protection since they have yet to be baptized. But, oh! Wait! Once they are baptized, God will then find them worthy of his full attention.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that he and his companion did not get sick, and that the investigators made out okay, but my mind was saying, "What the heck?!" It was probably written all over my face as well, because I noticed that this guy had made eye contact with me and held it for about a minute or two.
After he was finished with his talk and sat back down, I noticed that he looked uncomfortable, and I genuinely felt bad. I did not mean to knock down his testimony, but to me it sounded arrogant...but he probably was not aware that that was how it had sounded. But I realize that the intentions of talks such as that one are to keep members in the church, and to gain new members. Yet sometimes, those talks do sound arrogant...like they (as in the members) are God's chosen people. That used to be my mindset as well.
That was another moment when I wondered how could I have been so ignorant as to how arrogant this church seemed. But like many of its members, I just was not aware.
